Attachment theory is defined to be a psychological model that describes the dynamics of interpersonal connections between people. John Bowlby pioneered the research entailing attachment styles and suggested that these attachment styles are the foundations for long term human connection. Below are some actionable tips provided from The National Infertility & Adoption Education Nonprofit that can be very effective in establishing healthy relations with your children:
Bowlby attributes four basic, core characteristics to the formation of attachment because these characteristics are most evident between children and their caregivers. These four key attributes are:
- Safe Haven – This is the idea that the child can rely on their caregiver. The child feels safe, secure, and trusting when around their caregiver if they feel threatened. An example of this phenomenon may be a parent comforting their child when their baby is afraid or crying.
- Secure Base – This attribute focuses on the child’s foundation for learning and developing autonomy. Developing a safe, communicative relationship where the child feels free to ask questions and learn about their external surroundings would be an example of this dynamic.
- Proximity Maintenance – This is the phenomenon of a child aiming to explore and learn more about their surroundings, while at the same time remaining close with their caregiver. Discussing peer issues with parental figures/caregivers is an example of maintaining proximity during development.
- Separation Distress – Separation distress occurs when a child is in a state of panic, sorrow, or dismay when separated from a parent or caregiver. An example of this may be a child throwing a tantrum or crying when a caregiver leaves the house.
These four core attributes provide the foundation for the four attachment styles cited in attachment theory:
- Secure Attachment: Children with this attachment style will feel happy around their caregivers and generally discontent when their caregivers are gone. This attachment style, however, trusts in their support system and is confident that their needs will ultimately be met when left alone.
- Ambivalent Attachment: This attachment style becomes very upset and anxious whenever separated from their parents. These children don’t feel that they can rely on their support systems.
- Avoidant Attachment: This attachment style is indicated by children seeking to avoid interaction with their caregivers completely. This can occasionally be a response to neglect or an otherwise abusive dynamic.
- Disorganized Attachment: This occurs when there is no clear caregiving dynamic between the child and caregiver. If a parent is indifferent at some times yet very caring at others, the child may become confused with their role in the attachment bond.
Attachment theory suggests that considering these styles is crucial with regards to self-authoring, understanding our own behavior, and understanding the behavior of others. Identifying the attachment styles existent in childhood development may help determine, rationalize, and explain long term behaviors in individuals. As such, it’s important to both consider while parenting children and also in the long term for understanding one’s own psychology. Positive peaceful parenting provides an in-depth discussion as to how each of the parenting dynamics may ultimately shape one’s self-concept and world view.